If you took Dungeon Keeper, wrapped it in Sim City, sprinkled it with Lord of the Rings, a dash of dark humor and served it on a leafy bed of Rogue, you would get something very close to Dwarf Fortress. Dwarf Fortress is archaic, presented in ASCII, complex, it has a grueling learning curve, and is constantly having issues with bugs, but it is also addicting and by far the most fun I have ever had with a free, independently developed game.

Presenting a state of the art interface (well, in 1993 it was...)

With a day or two of fiddling and at least one horrible failure it is possible to get the basics down and begin to establish a hearty Dwarven settlement. After a few hours of play your Dwarves multiply and migrants pour into your fortress followed swiftly by the first probes of hostile goblins and other dangerous creatures that dwell in the land surrounding your underground home. However, as soon as the fortress is able to stave off attacks from without, it begins to face problems from within. Sanitation, crime, and morale come into play, and adjusting the delicate balance between the need for defense with the need for food and alcohol production can all have disastrous effects on the fortress, not to mention that a group of pushy nobles have moved in and started to demand posh new housing. In addition, your Dwarves regularly become obsessed with their crafting projects where failure can throw them into a murderous rage or a crippling melancholy that sends them tumbling down the nearest mineshaft

It is hard out there for a Dwarf.

Merchants will rip you off, Goblins will rip off your head, and Elves keep wanting to sit down and have serious discussions about the repercussions of the Dwarven logging industry (discussions that might end with a volley of arrows).

The game is full of dark humor. The game allows you to butcher any animal in the fortress for meat and hide, including newborn kittens and puppies. Female soldiers carry their babies with them into battle (or birth them in the middle of an axe-fight). Worst of all, the miner Dwarves could dig too greedily and too deep, and stumble upon beasts sealed away in the dark recesses of the earth. It’s no wonder that the Dwarves demand alcohol to get through the day.

You don't need a $250 video card to play this game.

The fortress will definitely go through serious trials and tribulations but then the world really begins to open up. As the necessities for survival die down a fortress planner starts to wonder ‘What do I want to build?’ The answers to this question fall somewhere between the mildly practical to the completely absurd. A popular choice is a gladiator arena to dispose of those captured goblins, and train your army recruits. Re-route a local stream into a bottomless chasm, then build a nice meeting area there complete with statues made of solid platinum, or just build a spiraling tower of Babel made of the finest shimmering alabaster.

This is when the hilarity really begins. These huge projects are bound to fail, the irrigation system will accidentally flood a residential area, masons will strand themselves at the highest level of their new tower when they forget to build a set of stairs, trap themselves in the new water reservoir they just finished building, or accidentally cause a cave-in when cutting a new skylight into the dining room and crush the Dwarves that had just arranged a meeting there.

I have played many games whose selling point was freedom of choice and the ability to create a world, but never have I felt as free as I do in Dwarf Fortress. Dwarf Fortress goes beyond choice. I stop asking myself what I want to do, and begin to wonder why I would not. Why wouldn’t I want to cover my fortress with spikes? Or cut an execution pit into the heart of the mountain? Why wouldn’t I want to build a battery of ballista to cut any invading army to ribbons? Why not install a magma pool in my Duke’s throne room? Why not design an entrance that will flood or collapse if enemies break through the fortress’s defenses? What could be more useful than a colossal magma waterfall?

It is Dwarf Fortress’ biggest fault but also is its best asset. There is no way to win Dwarf Fortress. No sprawling fortress, no hoard of gold, no vein of precious metal, or military victory will ever produce a ‘Congratulations! You’ve won! Thanks for playing!’ screen. Perhaps this is a statement about how harsh Dwarven life is. No fort you build is completely impenetrable. If it can survive militarily it cannot survive socially or practically and vice versa. Build an impenetrable citadel and die slowly from inefficiency, crime, and squalor. It reminds me of Tolkien’s dwarves who were on a much faster route to extinction than most other races. The vast amount of time spent making huge castles for defense could be used to help the surrounding civilizations. Instead, a majority of the player’s time is spent acquiring wealth, and defending it.

This selfish tendency aside the lack of an endgame has a profound effect on the game play of Dwarf Fortress. The higher goals in Dwarf Fortress are produced entirely by the player. There is no bonus for building a giant glass tower other than the enjoyment of swapping the story with other players. Because this is the only reward for playing, Dwarf Fortress has a sizeable online presence. Many articles have been published recounting the tales of settlements, battles, and guides on how to replicate their accomplishments, as well as stupid Dwarf tricks.

There is always something new to learn and fail horribly at. I honestly spend as much time reading the Dwarf Wiki as I do tooling around with new gadgets. There is an ever expanding list of fun things to try like windmills and waterwheels, factories that mill flour, taming large guard animals, magma-fueled forges and the ever popular “Wall in an Elven settlement and pump it full of water” trick.

The game may turn tedious but it never grows old. It is in a constant state of evolution. Patches keep coming out as well as new tile sets that make the game pleasing to the eye. Accessory programs usually follow shortly after.

Strike the Earth my brethren!